I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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