I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
