she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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