either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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