But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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