OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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