Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
