# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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