Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
