Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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