Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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