its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
