Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
