its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
