we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
