If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
