I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
