I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
