they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
