Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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