it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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