I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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