i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
