I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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