No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
