you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
