Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
