I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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