Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
