I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
