omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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