but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
