my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
