also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
