I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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