I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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