Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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