Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
