I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
