Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
