We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
