My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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