hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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