Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
