She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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