I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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