You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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