OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
