I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
