i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
