i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
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Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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