All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm going to jail i love you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize