the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
