Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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