wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
