JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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