Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
