When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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