D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?