I think I died a long time ago.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.