i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.