god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?