in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
