I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
