Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
