Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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