I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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