he shaved USA in his pubs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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