I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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