Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
false alarm, still single
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
