why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
