I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just had sex on a roof
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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