Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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