just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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