You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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